There is no me without you
by LonelyKangaroo
Summary: During a fight, Joanne slaps Maureen twice. Will there be forgiveness this time? Angst and fluffy MoJo. "As she curled up trying to keep warm, she felt the cold of Maureen's absence on the other side of the bed and her heart missed a beat". Rated T for some bad words.


**This is my first attempt to write a FanFiction. English is not my mother tounge, so forgive me for possible mistakes :) Reviews and tips are very well accepted. **

**I (unfortunately) don't own Rent and its characters.**

"Fine!" said Joanne, and Maureen giggled and hugged her, placing a kiss on her cheek. The diva had begged her girlfriend for half an hour to go to the Life Café that night and have some fun. As usual, Joanne couldn't help but consent when Maureen's infamous pout had come out. Maureen ran into the bedroom.  
"I want to wear something special tonight, I've never felt so sexy and fit!" she said opening the wardrobe, and started to throw her clothes everywhere. Joanne approached her, but Maureen pushed her out of the room saying:  
"No, pookie, you can't see! It's a surprise". She blinked as a smirk came to her beautiful, red lips. Joanne couldn't help but smile, and closed the door to let her diva prepare her show.  
Five minutes later, Maureen came out. She was wearing a denim miniskirt, her long and toned legs bare, and a short black top that put on display her flat stomach and the perfect curve of her hips, while shaping her breasts in a breathtaking way. To top it all off, a black and gold belt, perfectly matching with her stilettos.  
"Well?" said Maureen, making a turnaround. Joanne was astonished: her diva was always sexy, but those clothes made her the sexiest creature she had ever seen. She kissed Maureen passionately to show her approval.  
"You're wonderful, honeybear. Now," she said slapping the drama queen's ass, "move your pretty little butt, or we'll be late".  
Walking up to the Café, Joanne noticed with annoyance that, as usual, a lot of men and even women stared at Maureen and turned their head. Maureen could wiggle her hips in such a catchy way that, it must be said, not taking a peek was impossible. Joanne thought to what could have happened now that the eighty percent of Maureen's body was exposed, when people usually turned even when she wore full clothes. She shuddered and tried to drive away that intrusive thought, and enjoy that night with her girlfriend instead. When the two entered the Café, dozens of eyes stared at them, and we all know why. Maureen had that combative look that she always had when in a room full of potential preys, and Joanne felt again that shiver. They sat at a table and soon came a young waitress to take their orders. Maureen looked at her with her doe eyes, giving a huge smile. "I think I'll have a coffee with…" she stopped, biting her lower lip "… whipped cream". The waitress stared at her with her mouth slightly open, and didn't write the order. Maureen whispered: "I know some places where the whipped cream would fit better than in a cup of coffee…" and blinked artfully to the girl. "Maureen!" cried Joanne angrily, as the waitress flushed violently and lowered her eyes, smiling with pleasure. When she was gone, Joanne glanced frowning to her girlfriend: "Would you ever stop to behave like this?!" she said, but Maureen burst into laughter. "I was just teasing her, pookie, don't be so mad!" and she came closer to her, putting a hand on Joanne's thigh and slowly sliding it down towards her center. Joanne shivered at the contact and couldn't hold back a moan.  
"You know you are the one and only for me, do you?" whispered Maureen, pushing a little harder with her fingers.  
"I-I know…" Joanne said, feeling her heart leap with pleasure.  
"And you know I would never cheat on you, do you?" the diva asked again, biting her girlfriend's lobe as she started to rub more intensively.  
"Yes... I… Maureen, not here, plea…" moaned Joanne, trying not to draw attention.  
"What did you say? I can't hear you" chirped Maureen with a smirk, rubbing harder.  
"I k-know…" Joanne finally managed to say after have desperately caught her breath. Maureen laughed.  
"That's better," she said "but I still haven't forgiven you for having doubted my fidelity. I think I'll have to punish you a little more when we'll get home".  
"I can't wait" Joanne said with a smirk, and the two women kissed. She's right, thought Joanne, I should trust her more. I know she loves me. The waitress came with their coffees and gave a shy glance to Maureen while putting the cup in front of her. The diva catch the girl's hand and lightly caressed it.  
"What a beautiful hand you have", she said. "Look at the love line, long and marked. That means you're really lucky in love".  
She smiled and blinked again. Joanne felt an ancient jealousy pervade her body, but tried to hold it back. She loves me, only me, thought reassured.

"I'm going to the toilet, your little game made me soak down there" said Joanne pinching Maureen's nose, and leaving the table.  
Maureen looked around the Café and saw the young waitress staring at her. The diva felt guilty because the girl was really, really young and Maureen had probably embarrassed her more than she thought; so she left the table to go to apologize for her behavior. Once she reached the waitress, she said with a smile: "I'm sorry for what I said before, sometimes I lose my self-con…"  
"Shhh" said the girl, placing her index finger on Maureen's mouth. "Don't apologize, I don't give a damn. Just shut up and kiss me", she said, pulling her lips close to Maureen's. The diva, surprised by that sudden change, pushed her away.  
"No, no, no! I have a girlfriend, I can't do this to her!"  
"Who cares? I don't see her anywhere"  
"I care! Let me go!"  
"Your hair is wonderful…" murmured the girl while passing her fingers into Maureen's hair.  
At that very moment, Joanne returned to the table and, not seeing her girlfriend, looked around the Café. When she saw her, her blood froze in her veins. The waitress' hands where in her hair, they were so close to each other… She felt a cramp at the pit of her stomach and her sight blurred. But she had seen enough. "Leave me alone!" Maureen cried, and turned her head to search Joanne. She saw her making her way trough the jam of people and push violently the Café door. Maureen understood she had seen everything and thought she was cheating on her with that slutty. She ran out the Café screaming her girlfriend's name, but Joanne didn't seem to hear. Maureen reached her and grabbed her arm. "It's not what you think!" she cried, but Joanne freed her arm and kept walking. "Please, Joanne, you have to believe me! It was her, it was her!" Maureen felt the tears come to her eyes. She tried in vain to reason with Joanne all the way home, but she pretended not to hear.  
As their house's door was closed, Joanne burst out: "You bitch! You slut! Why did you do this?! All that I love only you, I'd never cheat on you shit!" Her face was red with rage, tears shone into her eyes. Maureen was shaking and speechless: she had never seen that part of Joanne.  
She let her vent, then tried to explain: "I know I always act like a bitch, but you have to believe me: this time I have nothing to do with that. I went to her only to…"  
"I don't wanna hear your bullshit anymore!" Joanne cut off. "I knew this would have happened sooner or later. You're only a whore, and the clothes you wear do nothing but make you sluttier! " Maureen tried to explain the misunderstanding many times, but Joanne never let her talk. After having put up with the worst insults and let her girlfriend shout and be angry, Maureen decided she had had enough.  
She grabbed Joanne's shoulders tight and said: "You must listen to me! I wasn't cheating! I was just…"  
She suddenly felt a twinge on her left cheek and immediately after another one on her right cheek. For a moment, her mind ran out of thoughts. Then she realized: Joanne had slapped her. Twice! Maureen slowly looked up to Joanne and saw her rage suddenly turn into guilt. No one spoke for those who seemed hours. "Maureen…" murmured Joanne raising a hand.  
"Don't touch me!" the diva cried as stepping back.  
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to…"  
"Yes, you did! You don't let me explain and then you slap me! I wasn't cheating, I was just apologize for the stupid behavior I had had towards her, and then that bitch came closer to kiss me but I refused, because YOU are my girlfriend and I'd never cheat on you and you know that! Then she grabbed my hair and I tried to shake her off, I wasn't cheating!" The look into Maureen's eyes was so sincere and pained that Joanne understood she was telling the truth. She felt a lump in her throat and tried to hug her wonderful girlfriend. But Maureen pushed her away.  
"Get off me! You never trust me, and you never will! You don't care if I have something to say, you only believe what you see, and that's the only truth for you! Because I am the slut, I am the whore, and you're the perfect, virtuous Joanne Jefferson!" her voice cracked. "Since I'm nothing but a slut for you, I think you'd better find someone else able to meet your needs." She marched furiously through the room and left their apartment, slamming the door. Joanne stood alone in the living room, thinking about what she had just done, tears running down her cheeks. When she was out in the street, Maureen took a deep breath, while the cold air of night froze her tear-soaked face, and walked up to Angel and Collin's house. She knew she would have been well-accepted there.

That night Joanne prepared to go to bed with slow, mechanical movements. As she curled up trying to keep warm, she felt the cold of Maureen's absence on the other side of the bed and her heart missed a beat. Eyes wide open in the dark, Joanne retraced their fight in her head, remembering all the awful insults she had said and those two damned slaps. She saw clearly Maureen's look after the smacks: so hurt, so pained, so betrayed. Joanne knew she had done an unforgivable thing: when she and Maureen had engaged, the latter had made Joanne promise she would have never raised her hands on her, for the diva used to be beaten by her father when she was a girl and didn't want to feel that way again. Joanne had promised and swore she would have never done such a thing. Now that sacred promise had been broken, and so Maureen's heart. Joanne took Maureen's pillow and hugged it tight, breathing deeply her diva's scent. Regret and helplessness filled Joanne's night, as she cried her eyes out thinking about her love gone.

"I will never forgive her!" said Maureen, sobbing in Angel's arms. Her cheeks were still burning where Joanne had slapped her.  
"She thinks she's the only one with feelings! If I dare to look to other people, she immediately gets offended and starts with her rants about trust and respect, while doesn't matter if she comes home late from work, if she's in a "bad mood" and treats me like shit, I don't have the right to protest!"  
"Oh, sweetheart, I'm sure Joanne didn't mean to hurt you. She was blind with anger" said Angel, wiping Maureen's tears.  
"That's for sure!" added Collins. "You know she loves you".  
"No, you can't understand! There was too much strength in those slaps, too much anger! She promised… She promised…" sobbed Maureen, hiding her face in Angel's chest. Collins and Angel exchanged a glance of helplessness. Maureen was upset as she had never been before, and she and Joanne had fought many times. They knew this time was a serious matter. "I can't see you like this" Angel said, lifting the diva's chin with a finger.  
"I'll make you a cup of chamomile tea. Try to quiet, will you?"  
Maureen nodded and sat heavily on the couch, hiding her face in her hands while Collins gridded his arm around her shoulders, telling her sweet words of comfort.

It was almost three days since Maureen had left. Joanne couldn't focus on her work and she had also been given a dressing-down by her boss for a mistake in her latest report - her first mistake in her entire career. Joanne had tried lots of time to phone Maureen, but she had never answered, so the second day she had phoned Angel and Collins, because she knew Maureen was there: that was her safe place during their fights.  
"Hello?"  
"Angel... hum… Hi, it's Joanne. Is… Is Maureen there?" Joanne voice was shaking. She had heard a bustle at the other end of the phone, and then:  
"I'm sorry, Joanne, Maureen isn't here". Angel had emphasized the "isn't", making Joanne sure she was there, but didn't want to speak to her.  
"Ok, thank you anyway… When she comes back, tell… tell her I phoned". Joanne had hung up crying. That was the end.

The third day Joanne felt the need to take a little break and go out for a coffee. Sure she would have carefully avoided the Life Café; too many memories were in that place. She walked up to the Spicy Café, then to the Upside-down Café, then to other two, but they were all closed. Holidays, death in the family, restructuring, the fact is that the only café open was the Life Café. What is this, a joke? thought Joanne frowning , but she really felt the need of a cup of coffee. She clenched her fists and entered the café, trying to keep her nerve. She sat at the bar and ordered a cappuccino without looking at anyone. "Do you want some whipped cream on it?" the waitress asked. That voice was familiar… Joanne slowly lifted her head and recognized the young girl with whom Maureen had flirted. Eyes wide opened, she stared astonished to the waitress. She looked at Joanne with a confused look, but then she recognized her too. Joanne grabbed her bag and started to turn.  
"Wait!" said the girl gripping her arm. "Tell your girlfriend I'm sorry for what I did some nights ago, I always lose my mind when I see a hot woman. But when I saw you looking at us, I understood I had ruined everything. She wasn't cheating on you, she wanted me to let her go. You're lucky to have such a faithful girlfriend". Joanne listened to these words with her heart beating out of control. If there were still some traces of doubt left within her, now they had completely disappeared. She murmured a thank to the waitress and left the Café shaking and sweating. She run at breakneck speed to Angel and Collin's house: she absolutely had to speak to Maureen and ask her for forgiveness. She rang the bell over and over, desperately.  
Then Angel's voice came out the intercom: "Yes?"  
"It's Joanne, I need to see Maureen! Please, Angel!"  
"Sure, I'll open the… Hey!" Angel exclaimed. Then Joanne heard the voice she wanted desperately hear.  
"Joanne, leave me alone. Can't you understand? It's over. Over!" Maureen shouted.  
"Please, honeybear, we need to…"  
"Don't you dare call me that way!" Then a hubbub of voices was heard, and the front door opened with a click.  
"Come up" said Angel through Maureen's protests. Joanne ran up the stairs and entered her friends' apartment, breathless. Collins and Angel said something Joanne didn't understand, for she had eyes only for the creature with folded arms standing against a wall that was looking at her with pure loathing.  
"Me and Angel buzz off, so you two can talk quietly" Collins said slipping out the door followed by Angel, to whom Maureen glanced angrily as if to say "You'll pay for this!" Left alone, the women looked to each other for those who seemed hours. Joanne didn't know what to say, though she had repeated her speech a thousand time in her head. But now with Maureen's eyes, accusatory eyes, pointed at her, she only felt guilt and despair. Regardless of the possible consequences, Joanne ran towards Maureen and hugged her, murmuring in a voice broken by sobs:  
"I'm so sorry, honey! Please, please, forgive me! Forgive me! I miss you so much…"  
Joanne felt Maureen's body stiffen in her hug and the diva freed herself from her arms.  
"Why do you always treat me as if I belonged to you? I can't even talk to someone without making you mad! And what hurts me most is that you never care of MY feelings – because, brace yourself, I have feelings too!" Maureen said, beginning to cry.  
"I know I can be very selfish, and I'm sorry I jumped to conclusions that night. I know you weren't cheating on me. And, above all, I'm damn sorry I slapped you" said Joanne writhing her hands. She saw a sparkle of love in Maureen's eyes and that gave her the strength to keep on.  
"I broke my promise, and I'll never forgive myself for this, but you have to believe me when I say I love you more than life itself and I can't think about a me without you. You're part of my soul; if you're not with me, I die" Joanne burst into tears and hid her face in her hands.  
She felt a light touch on her shoulder; she lifted her head and met Maureen's eyes. There were no longer any anger and accusation in them, only an endless tenderness.  
"Oh, pookie, how can I not forgive you? You're so sweet" she said, rubbing her hands up and down Joanne's arms. Joanne drank that tenderness as if it was an antidote against all her pain and laughed between tears. She put her arms around Maureen and held her tight.  
"I'll never let you go" she whispered, feeling the perfect fitting of their body together. The two kissed passionately, feeling alive again.  
"Neither will I".

**Let me know if you enjoyed it :)**


End file.
